


Breaking the Ice

by MissMeanswell



Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Gen, M/M, Perryshmirtz - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-24
Updated: 2014-04-25
Packaged: 2018-01-20 14:11:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1513418
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissMeanswell/pseuds/MissMeanswell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's Valentine's Day and Heinz has nothing planned. Vanessa however, needs him and Perry out of the house for the evening. An attempt to make a Perryshmirtz fic seem as episode friendly as possible.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Married to your Job

**Author's Note:**

> Well this is it, my first fic up on ao3. I literally have no idea how long this will end up being. I actually starting writing this as a script at first and had to go back and change the tense from present to past. Whew.

The roof to Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated was covered with the light snow of February. Perry the Platypus hovered over the glass top in his jet pack, the exhaust melting some of fallen frost. He unstrapped himself and crashed down through the clearance in the panelling. He landed on the floor with a roll, using his front paw to stabilize himself. Dr. Doofenshmirtz, who was standing nearby, turned around to look at Perry, startled by the sound of the shattering glass. "Perry the Platypus? What are you doing here today?"  


Perry looked around the room, then cocked his head at the Doctor, confused. "Seriously Perry the Platypus? it's Valentine's Day! I figured you had the day off or something, you know." He said with a wave of the hand as he went to go pick up a broom. Turning back around, Perry folded his arms at him. "Yeah, your right. I guess you don't even get Christmas off, let alone Valentine's Day. Probably should have... remembered that." After a brief awkward pause he clears his throat. "Boy whoever made the phrase 'married to their job' must have had you in mind, amiright?" Doofenshmirtz chuckled and pointed at the Platypus, to which he responded by moving his paws to his hips. "Okay okay, touchy huh?" He begins sweeping up the glass scattered across the floor.  


"But anyway, I really wasn't expecting you here today Perry the Platypus, so I'm afraid I don't have any scheme or trap for you." Heinz said as he emptied out the dust pan full of glass out the window, causing shattering noises to be heard faintly on the ground below. Perry raised and eyebrow and sat down on his couch, making a curious shrugging gesture at the doctor. "Huh? What was I going to do today? Well... Valentine's Day is usually that day that I wallow in self pity..." The Platypus frowned back at him. "Oh come on, you've seen half the dates I go on! Do you really think I have a reason to be happy today? Boy, let me tell you..."  


Meanwhile, Vanessa lounged in her room, cell phone in hand. She groaned loudly. "Oh come on, aren't married parents usually supposed to be out of the house for Valentine's day?" she whined to Monty on the other line. "And my dad's home right now too... yeah, I know. But I got the DVD specially for today! We gotta have a house to watch it at." Vanessa turned and dangled her head of the edge of the bed. "I don't know, maybe I can find some way to get my dad out of the house. Though I think I hear Perry over right now, that might be hard." She paused, calculating. Her eyes locked view with a drawer on her desk. "Wait a second... that's it! I'll call you back if this works out Monty, I won't be long." Vanessa hung up and shuffled through the contents of the drawer. "This oughta do it..."  


Back in the living room, Heinz was spread out across the couch, lying next to Perry. He grumbled, making large hand gestures. "...And then she didn't even have the decency to offer to hold the door open for me! Like, is your juggling world record really more important than common courtesy?" Perry smirked and rolled his eyes. "And another thing..." he stopped and noticed someone approaching. "Oh, hello Vanessa."  


"Hey dad, hey Perry... are you guys busy? At all?" She asked, hiding her hands behind her back.  


"No no, not really" Doofenshmirtz sighed. He straightened to a sitting position on the couch. "I-I'm sorry Vanessa, was there something you needed?"  


Vanessa tried her best to look casual. "No.... I just happened to do some uh, spring cleaning. E-early spring cleaning, yeah." Perry raised and eyebrow but Doofenshmirtz didn't seemed to take any notice. "A-anyway, I found these!" Finally relieving what was behind her back, she presented a coupon. "It's for that Dishes of Fishes place, it expires soon and but don't really like seafood all that much so... do you want it?" She put on a cheesy smile.  


Dr. Doofenshmirtz inspected the coupons closely. "Well I would love to take it, Vanessa but it says right here that it's only valid for couples! I'm afraid I don't have anyone else to use this with."  


Vanessa help back a giggle. "Oh I didn't notice that." Trying not to sound scripted, she continued. "Well... maybe you could take Perry with you?" The duo quickly turned to look at each other, then suddenly Doofenshmirtz leapt out of his seat.  


"That's a great idea! What do you say Perry the Platypus?" Perry's eyes lit up in surprise. Though Vanessa was expecting it, her fathers enthusiasm surprised her too. "Oh come on, don't give me that look! Do you realize how expensive this place is? I'd never be able to go there without a coupon like this." Heinz said, and held his hands up in a begging manner. "Please Perry the Platypus, please! I'm sure you'd like that much more than listening to me ramble all day, right?" After a few moments off being stared down by puppy dog eyes, Perry let out a defeated sigh, smiled, and nodded his head. "Oh thank you Perry the Platypus! And thank YOU, Vanessa!" He smiled brightly.  


Vanessa placed the coupon in his hand. "No problem, dad. I'm glad I found it... don't leave too late, okay?" She walked back to her room and picked up her pace when she was out of sight. Her phone rang for Monty's number. "Hey, you can head over in a little bit. Everything's taken care of."


	2. Work With Me Here

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I learned I don't know how to spell restaurant.

"Ready to go Perry the Platypus?" Heinz called out. Perry walked on to the scene. "Now wait just a second, what on earth do you think you're wearing?" Perry inspected himself, wondering what the doctor meant, considering that Perry hadn't put anything on at all. "You know what I mean! This is a fine restaurant Perry the Platypus, a fedora is simply not enough to cut it." The platypus stared for a moment, and pulled a black bowtie out from under his hat. "Just a bowtie? Come on, work with me here!" Perry made an accusing gesture back at him. "Whaaaat?" He whined. "Okay yes, I did just add a bowtie to _my_ outfit but at least I'm not ignoring company policy! No shoes, no shirt, no service, you know?" Doofenshmirtz then switched to a more sincere tone. "Besides, it's the middle of February! I know you have fur and all, but it's gonna get chilly. Don't do that to yourself Perry the Platypus." Perry gave a cocky smile and stepped out, this time returning with a white dress shirt and tiny brown shoes to accompany his bowtie. "Perfect, let's move!"

A little while later, the van came to a stop. "We're here! ....And of course the best songs come on the radio right when we arrive. Of course." Doofenshmirtz turned the keys, stopping the lyrics of "Gitcha Gitcha Goo". The duo hopped out of the car. "See, I told you it would be cold outside, Perry the Platypus. Really, you should be thanking me." Perry responded with a smirk, and they walked inside.

The inside of the restaurant was proof of its formalness. White cushioned chairs and hard wood tables with patterned table cloths were scattered throughout the dining area. The walls were aquariums from head to floor, filled with calming tropical fish. In the center of it all was a large dangling chandelier. Doofenshmirtz's jaw dropped. "Table for two, sir?"A well dressed waitress asked, approaching them. He nodded absentmindedly in response, mouth still gaping. "Right this way please" she said, quickly losing patience. Heinz shook his head and caught up with her and Perry, who had already started following. "Here is your table, gentlemen." She said, making a sweeping hand movement at the table near them. "We hope you have two an enjoyable Valentine's day." The server said, giving a bow before stepping out to greet more customers.

Heinz sat down, giddy in his seat. "Did you hear that Perry the Platypus? Gentlemen! And not only that, but she walked us all the way up to our table! Most places I go to the waiter only like, makes a vague hand wave at where you're supposed to go and they expect you to go over there, find it, and sit down all by yourself. No, this place does it right." As Doofenshmirtz rattled on Perry had added padding to his chair, giving him enough height to see over the table. They opened the menus that were placed in front of them.

After a few moments of the pair reading in an unusual silence, Doofenshmirtz rested his hands on his cheek, slouching over the table. "Perry the Platypus... how are _you_ feeling?" He said. Not quite understanding why he was asking, Perry gave a confused yet reassuring thumbs up. The Doctor looked disappointed in the response. "Oh that's good, that's good. Hmm..." Perry gestured back at him. "Me? Oh, no I'm alright..." He voice dropped bitterly. "It's just all these couples you know? Yeah, blah blah it's a holiday and you're _soooo_ in love, I could go without the kissy noises before I eat thank you very much!" Doofenshmirtz stuck his nose in the air.

Trying to make him feel better, the platypus nudged his head towards the exit. "Leave? Now? Oh no, I couldn't force you to miss out on this fancy food just for my bitterness, Perry the Platypus. Come on let's... let's focus on what we want." It went uncomfortably silent for a few short moments. Eventually, Perry held up his menu to face Heinz and scanned his finger over the items, shrugging his shoulders. "What's that? You haven't heard of any of these foods?" He shook his head. "Yeah, now that you've mentioned it these uh, don't sound all that familiar... Like, what is this food, Shirako?" He squinted his eyes at the paper. "Yeah... that is _not_ something I want to eat."

Doofenshmirtz calmy rose from his chair. "Oh who are we kidding Perry the Platypus, this place is so not our style." Perry nodded in response and they started leaving. "But first..." The Doctor quickly ran back to the table, and pulled a ray gun out of his labcoat. "Happy Valentine's Day, losers!" He shouted, shooting at the chandelier. It swung back and forth, eventually crashing down loudly onto the polished tile. Perry ran back after him, leaping into the air and punching Doofenshmirtz square in the face. The other patrons stared at the scene in awe. Perry, now aware of this, awkwardly grinned and set down a tip at the table. He ran out the exit doors, and Heinz eventually got up off the floor and followed after him.

"Okay, no denying that I totally deserved that but..." Heinz said breathlessly after catching up with Perry outside of the eatery. "You have to admit, that was pretty funny." He paused, and popped his jaw back into place. "Anyway, what do you wanna do now?" The platypus raised an eyebrow. "What? I already used the gas money to bring us out here. There's no way i'm going home after being out for like, fifteen, twenty minutes tops." He scratched the back of his head. "I mean, you don't have to stay with me though, I'm perfectly fine with hanging out with myself... wow did that sound depressing." He stared blankly for a moment. "The point is, it's up to you."

Perry leaned against the van. Going out to eat with the man was one thing, the coupon did only work for two after all. Though spending the night out with him? They were nemeses, he can't forget that. Doofenshmirtz  watched Perry, waiting for some kind of answer. As the wordless air grew between them continued, a familiar voice made both of their heads perk up.

"Agent P? Dr. Doofenshmirtz? I didn't know you two would be on this side of town."


	3. A Better Holiday

Turning to face the source of the voice, Perry and Doofenshmirtz turned to see none other than Carl Karl approaching them. He was dressed up in a rather expensive looking tuxedo and had a single red flower in his hand. "Heeey, hey it's you! Yeah, Carl." Heinz piped up. "Boy that's some getup you got going on there... hey shouldn't you be working right now?"

  
"You'd think so wouldn't you?" Carl said smugly. "But in fact, this outfit is actually part of the reason why I am in fact not working right now. You see, I have a date!" He lifted his head up triumphantly.

Doofenshmirtz rubbed his chin. "A date huh, no kidding?" His eyes scanned the area for the sign of someone else. "Where are they then?"

  
"Oh uh..." Carl lowered his head back down. "Well I don't have a date yet but I will! Soon! All thanks to this." He grabbed a slip of paper out from his chest pocket. "It's a coupon for here. Pretty nice huh? I figured I'd hang around outside and ask if any single ladies wanna come in and join my for a meal, on the house!" He said proudly, returning the coupon into his jacket.

  
"Well I've heard of worse plans." Heinz lightly laughed. "Say if you can't even afford this place without a coupon, where did you even get the money for that swanky tuxedo?"

  
Carl's face flushed. "Well actually this happens to be my cousin's suit..." he mumbled. "B-but that's not what's important right now!" He turned to face Perry. "I was still wondering, Agent P, what you guys were doing out here! I thought Major Monogram just sent you out to his apartment, not to this restaurant."

  
Perry clenched his teeth. He couldn't think of any good explanation. Fraternizing with the enemy, it was completely unprofessional. He's bound to get reprimanded or even worse he- "Pfft, don't worry about him. The bruise that's slowly forming on my cheek is proof enough that he's doing his job." Heinz spoke up, rubbing his face.

  
"Really? What all went down in there?" Carl asked, still looking at Perry.

  
Doofenshmirtz lowered his eyebrows. "Well I _did_ manage to bring the chandelier in that place crashing down in an attempts to ruin the evening for everyone. But your agent over here thwarted me as always." He said this with a bitter tone, but on the last line Perry thought he saw a smile on the Doctor's face. "A little too well if you ask me." As he spoke he pulled a small shard of glass out of his jacket that got stuck in there from the fight.

  
"Huh. Nice work Agent P! Keep it up." Carl turned away and left to stand closer to the front entrance. Perry thought for a moment. Though this whole day it never felt like it, he was still working. Doofenshmirtz needed him there, even for the small moments. This is okay, he thought. He could keep going like this, and it was okay.

  
Heinz shrugged and opened up the car door. "So what do you say Perry the Platypus, want to go anywhere else?" Without any hesitation, he nodded his head and sat shotgun. "Alright, cause I have the perfect thing in mind!" Heinz said, turning the car keys. "Parking outside of the Drive In Movie and making up our own dialogue!" He gave him a wide smile but Perry just gave him a flat stare. "What? Doesn't that sound fun?" He pointed at his bill. "Oh! Oh. You can't make up dialogue because you can't... talk. Sorry about that Perry the Platypus. Your eyes and your gestures are so expressive that sometimes I forget you never actually vocally communicate! So let me see if I can think of anything else..."

Doofenshmirtz cycled through through his ideas then let out a long yawn. "Perry the Platypus, are you tired? I'm pretty tired." Perry rotated his small hand back in forth in a 'so-so' gesture. "Yeah, it's kinda late anyway. I'm gonna call Vanessa and tell her I'm planning on heading home now. You can go if you want Perry the Platypus." Heinz pulled out his clearly outdated cell phone and dialed the number. As it rang he watched Perry out of the corner of his eye, expecting him to leave. His daughter finally answered and yet there he was, still sitting there, albeit not making eye contact.

  
"Hi Vanessa! It's your father. I was just planning on coming home early, that restaurant was _totally_ not our style. Anyway I figured I would call before I started driving off in case you wanted me to pick you up anything or- hey do I hear someone talking over there? Vanessa, is someone over right now?" Perry smirked, realizing she was most likely with Monty right now. "Oookaaay, if you say so. But if I see any traces of boy over there you can forgot about that tattoo! ...Yes I know I already said you couldn't get a tattoo but now the no will be an even stronger no. It's a threat Vanessa don't chuckle! Alright, call me back when you're ready."

  
Heinz hung up the phone. "Well Perry the Platypus, Vanessa says she doesn't want me home right now. I think she has a surprise for me or something!" He said, beaming. Perry rolled his eyes. "Yeah, you're right. Nothing good like a surprise would happen to me on Valentine's day... oh! I know, let's go park outside the building and see if we can get any clues as to what's going on in there!" It didn't sound like the most fun of activities, but Perry was feeling a little too worn out to protest. "I didn't hear a no!" He sang, and hit the gas.

  
About ten minutes went by of the duo parked outside the apartments, waiting for some sign of activity or a call from Vanessa. At the thirty minute mark, they decided to lay down in the back of the van, being able to keep a lookout more comfortably. During the time Doofenshmirtz had changed from anecdote to anecdote trying to ward off not only the silence, but their fatigue.

  
"Y'know today wasn't so bad now that I think about it, Perry the Platypus. The worst thing that happened really was you punching me in my face, which, by the way, never actually ended up making a bruise." Heinz rolled over to his side, facing Perry. "Maybe we should invent a better holiday, like... like a Valentine's Day for your nemesis! Now that sounds like a holiday that would involve a lot less wallowing in self pity." Perry smiled and shook his head. "Yeah but then that would mean another date to remember, and more days employees would have off and then if the kids half it off of school man, those little tots would be _everywhere_ and... that's not a fun idea. Y'know what let's just combine the two! From now on Perry the Platypus, let's treat today as Nation Nemesis Day! We don't have to celebrate the torture that is Valentine's Day anymore!" The Doctor grinned, pleased with his idea. He began to yawn and Perry yawned in return. "Happy Nemesis Day, Perry the Platypus."

  
Perry attempted to wish him a Happy Nemesis Day back, but all that came out was his platypus growl. Soon he had noticed that Doofenshmirtz had managed to fall asleep. This was okay, Perry thought wearily.  Finally he shut his eyes and began to doze off. This was better than okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this totally didn't need to be a chapter story. But whatever, I'm happy with it. I hope you've all enjoyed and thank you for reading!


End file.
